I've spent a large portion of my life studying things spiritual and worldly alike. I prayed for knowledge, wisdom and understanding and received it. The more I learned the less understood I became. I continue to learn and feel super lonely as a result. I have trouble pretending so I say what it is. No one wants to hear what it is unless it adds to their comfort though. My God is 100% real and always holds me up, but I could' t figure out for the life of me why He placed all this in me only to be rebelled against. I love people and those that truly know me know that I love people the point of sacrifice, but I see now that people don't love themselves. I once lacked this love for myself as well when I allowed the TV and surrounding world views to dictate who I was.